The University library was thrown into chaos on Thursday night as a group of students drunkenly invaded the library – kicking up a serious fuss and leaving a trail of chaos in their wake. Following a tip-off from an anonymous student, Vision was there to take exclusive secret photos and witness the debacle unfold.
At 8.45pm around 30 fancy dressed members of the football team rampaged through the doors of the library, chanting in unison – “I’m Vanbrugh till I die”; however it has been alleged by witnesses in the library that the students were in fact members of Halifax College, who were using the Vanbrugh chant as a cover.
As they stormed up the stairs one first year philosophy student told us, “They were all calling each other names like ‘lads’ and ‘man beast’, but it was a quite funny because one of them was drinking cherry lambrini.”
But it wasn’t so funny for the staff on duty: one librarian who wished to remain anonymous informed Vision, “It really was bad, they started chucking books off the shelves and spilling beer all over the carpet”.
All of this came after Vision reported on a similar incident in the library 8 months ago, although we have learned that these are not two isolated incidences, and such occurrences have become common practice at the end of every term.
The team continued their rampage ridiculing studious students; one drunken lout pointed to a girl and bellowed, “If you gave that one a few pints, I bet her clothes would fall right off for me…she’s gagging for it”.
Surprised security guards tried to calm the situation, but seemed to wind the sports teams up even more. Mike Bailey, a second year maths student commented, “It was really strange. It was a chase between a podgy security guard and a sporty drunk; they were dodging shelves and computers and all sorts.”
Such behaviour has allegedly been increasing in frequency, especially for the Halifax squad, who after every term celebrate with a debauched tour around campus. The anonymous librarian added, “We have become used to it, but it is pretty disrespectful and these types of incidents seem to be growing”.
The library staff did however have the last laugh. Around half an hour after the team had disbanded, one lone footballer was forced to walk back to the library in leopard skin Speedos and log a lost property request for his wallet. The anonymous librarian smirked, “He was pretty ashamed of himself”.
I was in the library and found the scenes disgraceful. I’d heard of goodricke netballers embarking on such anarchy but am shocked that vanbrugh stooped so low as to shamelessly copy the example we set. I was watching some good old-fashioned porn- ‘v for vagina’ in case you were wondering- when an absolute brute of a man who’s head appeared slightly bollocky, demanded I hug him, kiss him, and give him a pencil. I did all three. I would have felt abused, but he was so ashamed of himself that he cried one single dragon tear, which as we all know turns into jellybeans. What a disgrace.
Youse are all blimmin squares, we love givin it the Barry McGuigan and if you library bozos cant hack the heat I say get out of the flippin kitchen (library).
I’ll take £5 quid on that last comment being from Inzaghi/Il Duce
I’d bet penny to the pound it was eeeamone geaheganon
It was Halifax football. No student was supposed to be chanting anything to the contrary. We were only there for around 10 minutes as the porters asked us to leave almost immediately. Any distress caused or disrespect shown was not intentional and hopefully shortlived.
Incidentally, Vision is absolutely terrible in relation to Nouse. Sour grapes – definitely. Still, also very very very true.
I would have to agree, Nouse do seem to have the upper hand when it comes to sports writing, but this is just how things are, some people are better at certain things than others for example, Halifax are absolutely terrible in relation to Alcuin and Vanbrugh at football.
i killed a man with a trident
It certainly wasn’t a football social because I was there, and I ain’t no ruddy footballer – I’m Sharon. From what I gathered, a few lads were in the library trying to finish some art homework – they had to draw a nice picture – and were just there asking to borrow pencils. Then Harry Pearson took me away and did nasty things to me. I think he was drunk on freshly gained power. I kind of enjoyed it though. I liked the feel of his muscular green fingers. He let me down the morning after though – literally.
“If you gave that one a few pints, I bet her clothes would fall right off for me…she’s gagging for it” – No one actually said this, did they? And that second picture is the same one from 8 months ago. I remember because 8 months ago I remarked, ‘That lad Josh sure knows how to lunge provocatively towards security staff’.
All in all, this article is almost as infactual as the ‘Halifax 2-1 Vanbrugh’ report on that game that finished 4-0 to Halifax.
I think the real loser in this situation is the bastard offspring of Pearson and Sharon. Whilst he jaunts around on benefits the little muscly plastic baby is left without the support it needs. My researchers tell me that this ‘woman’ was seen in the Charles having cups inserted into her orifices by a cohort of drunks. Hardly motherly material. I think the moral of this story is that people like Pearson should learn to put something on the end of it. Now go and get a job you muscly little so and so.
O.M.G I heard Josh Stannack was there???!
I have Sharon. I gave her a free pepsi and she fell for me. We have eloped to my yacht moored in Whitby bay. If you want her Geoghegan, you’ll fight for her like a man.
JOSH STANNACK!!! I CANT BELIEVE I MISSED HIM!!! IN YORK UNI??? OOOHH MMMMMYYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! I HEART JOSH STANNACK.
The above comment was not from me – I am the real Mark Lund and the real Mark Lund (me) blames the entire raucous on Goodricke bloody netball; the horny bunch of Sharons that they are. I think that whoevever wrote in under my name is a disgrace and, assuming that I will eventually solve this crime, rest assured that the sick ‘Lundy’ impersonator shall be eliminated.
I am Mark Lund, heed my words.
Yours sincerely, Mark Lund.
(Moderator: This might not be Mark Lund)
Where’s a flipping Geoghegan impersonator when you need one?!
I’M THE SUPERIOR BEING.
Eamonn, Efe is more of a man than you could ever be, he gives me free pepsi and often allows me to pay next time if I am short on cash. You, on the other hand, strut around campus with your cocksure stride and musky odours, making snide comments about the ugly and the poor. Leave us in peace, our time has past.