It’s 2pm on a hazy October afternoon, I sit gazing at my Mac after a morning of productivity. After growing tired of willing my News Feed to do something exciting, I skip over to Twitter to top up my knowledge of all-things-celebrity and share my woes with my adoring fans across the twittersphere (ha). One such celeb who happens to be updating his fans on his busy life is Leeds-born comedian, Leigh Francis. Most famous for his role as the much loved (and much hated) celebrity stalker Avid Merrion, Francis has now focused his comedy on another of his alter-egos: Keith Lemon, recurring Bo! Selecta character and presenter of ITV2’s Celebrity Juice. I tweet a few messages to ‘Mr Lemon’, and a mere five minutes later I’m startled to read: “yeah I can do an interview no probs @Jaime_Riley, Facebook me” at the top of my twitter feed. And so, my Wednesday afternoon took a rather unusual turn, as I set to work as any writer would in this modern age of social networking – by trawling through the hundreds of “LOL Keith Lemon is aMaZiNg” fan pages in search of the real deal.
A few messages and an explanation of his promotional tour around London later, my questions have been answered; simply the ‘zest’ end to my distinctly average day…
Vision: Hi, Keith. I hear you’re set to record a Christmas single with Paloma Faith – what’s that all about and what are you going to sing?
Keith: It’s not happening. We were just chatting about it on that tweetery fing. Paloma is too busy finishing her next album, and I’m busy with me film and me work out DVD which came out on November 22. We might do a Christmas song together next year, though.
What’s your film going to be about?
It’s an origin story sort of thing. Fink we go into production in January.
Could you tell us a bit about Keith Lemon’s Fit DVD?
It’s the first ever fitness DVD for a man or a woman that isn’t actually a fitness DVD.
So do you enjoy working out?
I don’t normally work out, can’t you tell? But when I was asked to do a work out DVD with Deanne Berry from the Eric Prydz video for the song ‘Call on Me’, how could I refuse? She’s bang tidy!
Do you play any sport, then?
My favourite sport is Swing Ball.
I’ll take that as a no.. Moving on.. Who’s been your favourite guest on Celebrity Juice?
I love having Verne Troyer on. We have a right laugh together. He’s a great sport. Basically, anyone I know in real life is good when they come on. It’s just like having ya mates over for a laugh. It’s a lot of fun!
Fearne Cotton is a regular Celebrity Juicester. How do you feel about her recent engagement?
I’m really happy for her, she’s a lovely lass. We get on really well off screen – I’m only winding her up on Juice!
You like to call Fearne’s bezza Holly Willoughby, Holly Willabooby – has her producer husband ever cottoned onto that?
Of course he’s cottoned on, ya ding bat! He’s there when we shoot it. He don’t mind. I only speak the truth, she has boobs! And lots of them.
You work with Holly on This Morning, too as an agony aunt – how are you finding that, and what’s the trickiest or funniest problem you’ve had to deal with?
I’m loving it! I like watching the fear in Philip’s eyes as he thinks I’m gonna say something I shouldn’t. But I’m very professional. It’s nice that people fink I can help them out. None of them have been too tricky really. I know a lot of fings..
So I’ve heard, Keith – you even won the Businessman of the Year Award 1993. What’s your greatest business accomplishment to date?
The business that’s still running now – Securipole. It’s running itself really, with the help of our Gary (me cousin) whilst I’m busy doing show business.
We’ve just left the month of Movember – can you tell us a bit about the Tacheback campaign?
The Tacheback campaign was something I did last year – it was for bollock cancer. To raise awareness. I mean.
What’s your preferred style of facial hair?
My preferred style of facial hair has gotta be the tash of course – that’s why I have one, innit. Ladies just love the feel of it.
I’ve read that you enjoy a good meal, Keith. What’s your favourite food?
Jacket potato with cheese and coleslaw, oh yes.
Classy! You’re a Northern lad – what’s the best thing about being from the North?
I don’t know really. I love all of the North but there’s nowt bad about the South either. It just means you live far away from ya mam.
What’s the best thing about Leeds, then?
Me mam’s Sunday Roast!
Who’s your favourite Celebrity Juice presenter?
Me, of course!
Who’s your idol in the world of business?
Me again. I’m an award winning entrepreneur.
I think I can guess the answer to this one then – who’s your favourite comedian?
Eamonn Holmes.
Describe yourself in five words?
Keith Lemon. Strawberry blonde hair, handsome, tash, F.A.F: Fit as f@*k!