Forget Willow on a Saturday night, the wildest characters can be found at the gym. Here are my top seven ‘gym creatures’ to spot during your next visit…
The ‘New Resolution’
Generally sighted in January, the ‘New Resolution’ is on a mission to get fit. Unfortunately, after they’ve kitted themselves head to toe in Nike, taken their induction and stepped onto the treadmill, they remember that they hate gyms. Often travelling in packs, they will appear for a handful of times after their initial bout of enthusiasm, before any visits diminish altogether.
The Princess
That girl with the perfect body, full face of makeup and perfectly coiffed hair. You will instantly hate her when you spot her across the room as you stumble, sweaty and red faced, off the treadmill. They will either sit on the exercise bikes for half an hour texting or will meticulously demolish every piece of equipment without breaking a sweat. Either way, you will leave feeling inferior.
The Gym Buddies
At some point, most people have had a gym buddy – you’ll make each other go and get much more done, right? Wrong. These ‘buddies’ spend their entire session gossiping as they barely break a sweat. You finish your workout knowing all about their latest heartbreak or one night stand the night before. As they exit the door, they are planning a big night out or dinner because turning up to the gym means they’ve ‘earned’ it.
The Meathead
This guy is heard before he’s seen. Otherwise known as ‘the Grunter,’ he puts everything into lifting those free weights. Checking his audience in the mirrors regularly he will make sure that everybody in the gym is aware of how much he just lifted. It’s just a shame that his legs resemble a stick insect.
The Know-it-All
Always there to ‘lend a hand’ if you so much as pause at a machine, the ‘Know It All’ is always keen to share their extensive knowledge on the latest gym technique, exercise or diet. Occasionally helpful, but in reality tends to be full of hot air. Whatever you do, don’t let them spot for you.
The Poser
It’s not what you do at the gym, it’s what you wear right? This guy likes to think that he works hard and parties hard – and wears the same kit for both. Generally spotted in chinos or skinny jeans, working his biceps whilst taking a selfie for Instagram in the mirrors. Pout and meaningful stare optional.
Cardio Bunnies
Normally spotted on the treadmill in an 80s style headband, the Cardio Bunny was born with an intense fear that even touching a weight will cause bulkiness. Spurred on by the worry that lifting will make them into a bodybuilder, they will spend hours on the treadmill to tone their arms instead.