Thomas the Tank Engine meets 50 Cent
Our inaugural challenge to you is to get these bangers played in Willow.
Phil and I agree that this track combines our two greatest loves in life: audible miniature trains and hardcore gangster rap. Layering the best of childhood nostalgia and latter experiences in the ghetto (Tang Hall), this track is bound to have you recollecting the Troublesome Trucks whilst imitating a drive-by with your semi-automatic NERF gun. As far as dance moves go, look no further than the Locomotive (can you do the Locomotive!?) Use those arms as wheels, get your mates to pull that imaginary lever and fellow ravers will respond with a hearty ‘choo choo’. 50 Cent once said that his childhood was as “troublesome” as those “goddamn motherf**king trucks” which inspired him to make this mix. He actually didn’t, but it’s still a serious tune.
Likelihood of being played in Willow: 1 out of 5
Do you want to build a snowman?
George and I aren’t going to pretend that while watching this particular catchy number from Frozen we don’t sob softly into each others shoulders while eating from an industrial sized tub of Häagen-Dazs. This song, however, will likely prove most unpopular with the Willow revellers. Ideally, this song request will come on directly after something along the lines of ‘Pound The Alarm’ by Nicki Minaj. That way the fistpumpers will be utterly bamboozled, as their baseline turns to soppy Disney drivel… Not only will you be laughed at by the DJ, but the spectacle will be completed with a sequence of interpretive dance moves acting out the song. The possibilities are endless with lyrics such as ‘ride our bikes around the hall’; imaginary bicycle race to the bar, top up of tequila and back to the floor? Snowman costume optional but nonetheless recommended.
Likelihood of being played in Willow: 2 out of 5
COME ON EILEEN (x6)
This is potentially the easiest challenge you are likely to receive from Between Two Idiots: get Willow to play ‘Come on Eileen’ six times in a single night. We know that Willow suffers from a chronic case of 80s diarrhoea. ‘Come on Eileen’ is the crux of this incurable disease. Phil and I often comment on how much we enjoy having ‘Come on Eileen’ consume our subconscious for a minimum of seven days after the event. Alas, this relic from the annals of cultural s**t is only guaranteed to be played about four times. Your job is to convince the DJ to play it twice more. Beg, plead and be inventive. But don’t even think about asking us for a drink until your throat feels like sandpaper and the name Eileen makes you physically sick. Your success will be well rewarded.
Likelihood of being played in Willow: 5 out of 5
