Part of me is excited for the clock to turn backwards – it means early sunsets, and cosy evenings. But as the streets get darker earlier, they also get more dangerous – or at least I become more afraid.
One anxious thought: “what if there was a man hiding behind that bush?” fills me with fear the whole walk home. At the moment these thoughts are more common. They appear on the journey home from work, the walk back from University, when I take the rubbish out and pretty much any other time I am alone in the dark.
This, sadly, is nothing new for me really – and probably nothing new for many other women and girls. What is new though is this emerging drain on my bank account. As soon as it’s dark I have to fork out the money for an Uber or a bus.
‘Have to’ is maybe misleading. I do have the choice just to walk. But how stupid would I feel if something happened that could so easily have been prevented with a £5 Uber or £2 bus fare?
If something happened it would not be because I walked, it would not be my fault. I am a firm believer that all the blame is on the perpetrator. But in the moment, it really does feel like I have to choose between safety and saving money.
I was going home from the station recently, it was probably about 21:30 and it’s only a 30 minute walk. Leaving the train station I felt suddenly vulnerable. I had a heavy suitcase and a backpack. That could make me an easy target, for a robbery if nothing else. A £2 bus fare is nothing compared to what could be taken from me.
All the onus feels like it’s on me, like I have to impose restrictions on my freedoms to make way for male violence against women. It’s me who has to stay indoors after dark while they can roam the streets. I am literally paying the price for the actions of men.
I know paying extra for transport is not the worst outcome of violence against women and girls. But, I think it is a sign of how insidious this epidemic of violence against women and girls has become.
I remember being really struck by the words of Baroness Jenny Jones in 2021. She exposed the absurdity of it all by suggesting that a curfew should be imposed on men instead. I know that the internet mostly just echoes back what it thinks you want to hear, but it really felt to me like her point opened people’s eyes.
At the time, Nigel Farage tweeted: “Just in case you thought I was exaggerating when I call the left deranged…This Green Party politician wants a curfew for men after 6pm at night. A better case for reform of the House of Lords has never been seen.” Three years later, and statements like this have made him more popular than ever.
And this year when the question of ‘man or bear?’ arose, I was hopeful that the hypothetical could open people’s eyes to how afraid women have become. Instead, the reaction only made me more fearful – partly because of the brutal bear attacks some men were so eager to vividly describe, and partly because so many of them simply don’t get it.
To so many people the fear I feel is irrational, to some it’s even a symptom of a supposed deep hatred for men. Initially, I wanted to include some statistics here – to prove that my fear is well founded. But most women have heard all the statistics before and the people who would call me crazy definitely won’t want to hear them.
I also realised that what I am trying to point out is that, though well founded, it is ridiculous that I am so afraid of the dark. I should not have to be.