Willow to close “indefinitely”

By Oliver Todd and Alex Finnis

EDIT: This article is an April Fool. Read about the genuine 2015 closure here.

 

York student hotspot The Willow is set to close after a recent health and safety assessment raised serious concerns.

Following an inspection earlier this week, the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) stipulated that The Willow is set to close “due to the breach of numerous Health and Safety measures”, including problems with the toilets and accessibility to the establishment.

The notification, announced yesterday, lists a total of 13 breaches of the official government regulations that apply to any licensed venue.

The stairs were listed as the most serious infringement, described as “dangerous in the case of fire” due to their narrow width and steepness. Concerns about disabled access were also highlighted.

In addition, both male and female toilets failed basic hygiene tests. Exposed wiring around the DJ booth and conditions of the kitchen areas were also uncovered in the health and safety report.

However, the nightclub’s permit to serve food was not withdrawn, and it could feasibly return to its restaurant roots if the other health and safety issues are rectified.

Due to the difficulty of correcting the problem with its stairway, however, many Willow enthusiasts may be disappointed that the nightclub will not be able to reopen at all.

Melissa Jones, a second-year Chemistry student, added: “I can’t believe we didn’t get to say goodbye. I know that sounds stupid, but the loss of Willow feels like the death of a friend. I’m genuinely quite upset by this. I’ll be holding a Willow memorial service next term for anyone who’s interested.”

Not all students are as disappointed by the closure of York’s most infamous club, however. One third-year History of Art student, Jessica Harte, recalled to Vision the time her friend slipped down the stairs, seriously bruising her coccyx:

“Literally no one cared and she was screaming in pain. It’s such a gross place, it’s about time someone sorted it out. I don’t really know why people care, how many of them can actually remember a night out in Willow anyway?”

HSE spokeswoman Lisa Forpol said in a statement: “We can confirm that The Willow Restaurant has been asked to close following a number of health and safety breaches at the premises. The venue will be closed indefinitely, until further notice.”

The Willow’s management were unavailable for comment on the issue.

Disclaimer: In case anyone is still in any doubt, this was an April Fool. The Willow will be open as usual.

77 thoughts on “Willow to close “indefinitely””

  9. Whilst this is an attempt at an April fools gag, it raises a serious issue. The Willow needs to remain open to house degenerates after nights out so they do not begin to pollute Vudu.

  11. It must be an April fools because of the date, but the story is so totally believable! D:

  14. Hi all! I’m Konrad – some of you may know me as the happy-go-lucky bouncer from Willow, or others of you know me from tap class. I have to say, I’m devastated.

    I was sitting in my evening room tucking into my moule mariniere when Fong rang and told me the news. I was a little miffed at the time, naturally, but it wasn’t until later that night, lying in bed in my onesie, that the tears started to flow.

    I’m not really sure where I’ll go now. Oh, certainly, I’ll be snapped up in a minute by employers – do you know anyone else who can say ‘Both IDs please’ with as much nuance and tenderness as I can? But nowhere else will quite capture the magic of the Willow restaurant, of the little team of friends I’ve built up over the last few years. They’ve broken down the barriers around my heart, and I’ll never stop thanking them for it.

    Come to Willow tonight for a last ‘hurrah’. When you see me, just give me a hug – I’ll appreciate it. I know I’m a big guy, but my heart’s even bigger. God bless.

  16. This stinks of April Fool’s Day. I sincerely hope I’m not wrong about that

  17. “However, the nightclub’s permit to serve food was not withdrawn, and it could feasibly return to its restaurant roots”

    I believed this until this line. Well played, vision, well played.

  19. I can soo see why it has been done I have my self fallen victim to the steepness of the entrance to the williow! I knocked my self out briefly when i fell down the stairs cracking my head on the stairs and cause extreme bruising to my back and legs!
    You could hear my head hitting the stairs, I my self am worried that it could ave been worse, an i could ave been left with more than just concussion! And i would not like to have to run down the steps when there’s a fire, someone would ave been killed!!!!
    Its about time!!

  23. I am a proud member of Langwith and beleive that the shutting of the Willow would be a disgrace. Disgrace is also a feeling i have towards kirstie and her inability to use the letter H.

    Langwith till I die, Willow likewise!
    Xx

  25. as my brother arnold said , i’ll be back! long live the willow

  26. I’m a second year at YSJ, and Willow is a staple of all student nights out. Without the place, there will be a hole between half past 2 and 4:30 am which will never quite be filled in the same way. From day one, Willow has been my favourite place to end a good night. Yes, i’ve fallen down the stairs; but if we’re daft enough to get that drunk; we should be man enough to deal with the consequences and take responsibility. So long, Willow; it’s been an absolute tequila-soaked, prawn cracker consuming, amazing time. It’ll be sorely missed. I’m just glad i have my T-shirts in memory.

  29. The name of the writer, and the HSE spokesperson are both anagrams of ‘april fool’. Coincidence?

  30. Hey im Rashid, i will miss seeing Konrads beautifully crafted body.

  34. Thank god this is an april fools joke, i shat myself when i saw the headline

  38. Upon first reading this article I entered a state of shock. I tried to laugh it off but the reality soon began to dawn on me. A York without Willow. I couldn’t imagine such a world. I had to stop what I was doing and get a cup of tea to calm down. After I had stop shaking I found it was an April fools. Normally I appreciate a good April Fools, but this was too far. I had to live through 15 mins of hell because of it.

  39. f l o r a s i p o l

    a p r i l f o o l s

    l i s a f o r p o l

    a p r i l f o o l s

  47. I can only hope this is a cruel, cruel April fool. I love the Willow! Where else in town do you get free prawn crackers and such an array of amazing (crap) music?! For all you people/cretins that blame the stairs for your falling down…have you ever considered that actually it might be more to do with the alcohol-high heels combination?

    I, for one, am gutted.

  51. I really feel for Samantha. What will she do now between 2 and 4:30 am?

  52. Considering the name of the author is an anagram of april fools, think you dont need to worry :)

  55. If only I’d known, I would have treasured each and every grope from the bouncers.

  56. Well I have to say when I worked in Orgasmic many years ago, we used to enjoy going to the Willow after work and so did other workers from the other bars, however, stupidly it turned it’s back on the very people that made it what it was and gained it’s popularity and turned it into a student only venue with ridiculous red carpets and barriers outside, it was good because it was crap not because we thought it actually good. So for those reasons I’m glad to see the back of it.

  58. It seems that Vision’s readership is somewhat more gullible than that of Nouse or The Yorker

  65. PLEASE PLEAS PLEASE be an April fools, WILLOW is the only place in York to end a night out!!! IT will be sorely Missed :'(

  66. Here here Tom. Many York locals boosted that place’s status and profits only to be turned away for the last couple of years! Nothing against students, being a graduate myself, but it was a slap in the face after what we all put into the place. Anyway, its been closed down loads of times over the years, no doubt it will crank up again in a few months.

  67. Plus the York Uni Art student sounds like a right pussy!! Falling on your ass coming out of Willow was part of its charm, an proved you had a good night. An if you felt it you were obvs too sober for Willow :-p

  68. I got laid like… a FEW times thanks to this place. Real nasty sexy too, one girl left me with scars down my back. York’s number 1 meat market, where am I meant to go now?

    Comment edited by moderator

  74. Wish this was true its a disgusting place to go. It used to be so bad it was good, then all the students started going and it turned too cool for school. I literally hate it. The staff are rude, the music is shit, and the customers are usually idiots!

  75. The best part of this article is the comment from Konrad – 18th(ish) comment down.

  76. April Fools are bad luck after 12pm on 1 April, as this article still remains after said time, bad luck will fall on Vision. Serves them right for such a cruel cruel joke.

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