Shakespeare’s Juliet told her Montague lover that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. But since the late 16th century the field of Onomastics has progressed considerably: we now know that a rose called Kevin would struggle to find a date, a rose called Sue would never become a high court judge in the US and a rose called Xavier would have behavioural problems. In the last few years, Onomastics – the study of names and their significance – has discovered evidence that the words on a birth certificate determine every aspect of our lives…
Wannabe actors have long recognised the importance of the right name to reaching superstar status. Michael Caine knew he’d never be a leading man as ‘Maurice Micklewhite’, and Marion Michael Morrison figured ‘John Wayne’ would look better on film posters. Other actors anglicised their names for the industry – Helen Mirren was born Ilynea Lydia Mironoff, Audrey Hepburn was Edday Van Heemstra Hepbrun Rusten, and Carlos Irwin Estevez decided to de-Latin his name to Charlie Sheen. Tom Cruise and Alec Baldwin dropped the ‘IV’ and ‘III’ from their names respectively, and even human mega-franchise Oprah Winfrey has a nomenclature secret – she was christened Orpah, after a biblical figure, but swapped the letters to a more glamorous arrangement.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO DATE A KEVIN?
But there’s more than vanity to this celebrity trend. Terminal singletons in search of a date might want to consider whether their own name could be the cause of their romantic drought, because psychologists at Humboldt University in Berlin have discovered that some names are more attractive than others.
After posting a series of similar profiles, without pictures, on a popular dating website, they discovered that Jacob was by far the most attractive male name, doubling the hits of its closest runner-up, Alexander. Max, Peter and Mark were also popular. Unfortunately for the Kevins of the world, they received the least interest, closely followed by Justin, Marvin and Dennis. For the girls, common names like Charlotte, Emma and Hannah did well, while Mandy, Celine, Chantal and Jacqueline saw the fewest clicks. The researchers explained, “the main finding here was that names like Kevin or Chantal were dramatically more likely to be rejected by other users.” But there’s more: the researchers also found that “people with unpopular names were more likely to smoke, had lower self-esteem and were less educated.”
And their conclusion is supported by a swathe of other onomastic research that found, incredibly, that your name bears a direct correlation to your happiness. Name a child Judy or Joshua and they’re more likely to find joy in life than a Pauline or a Frank. The researchers claims that this is down to the association of names with figures in public life.
Paulines, apparently, are thought to be most miserable because the name suggests the late long-suffering launderess Pauline Fowler in Eastenders, while Judies are more likely to be associated with jolly Judy Finnegan. The psychologists from Manchester Metropolitan University claim that these societial figures ‘rub off’ on the name and come to shape those people’s personality. Bizarre. Dr David Homes said: “the associations we have with certain names, particularly significant namesakes, shapes how we see ourselves and has an effect on our assumed role in society.” He also found that Marks and Ruths smile the most, and that Ben, Andrew and Edward are all miserable names for men. “Names are like product brands,” he adds, “they have a powerful effect on attitudes, and should therefore be chosen with care.”
HOW TO GET A JOB IN TORONTO
Shockingly, even from primary school a name may dictate children’s behaviour and academic performance. A report from Texas A&M University examined teachers’ perception of students’ motivation and achievement potential. Over a hundred teachers were given cards printed with students’ details and instructed to judge their behaviour and characteristics. The results showed that an African American first name such as Xavier received significantly lower achievement scores, even if a different race was identified on the card. Meanwhile, cards with African American listed as ethnicity saw no discernible effect on the results. The researchers concluded that while the teachers “may regard themselves as non-prejudiced, they may nevertheless hold negative feelings about African Americans which could be expressed in subtle, indirect ways such as through associations with names.”
So the Sheens, Mirrens and Hepburns of the world may have been on to something when they dropped their ethnic names. Toronto researchers have also discovered that an Anglophone-sounding name can improve a job candidate’s possibility of landing an interview in Canada. After nearly 8,000 fabricated resumes were sent to employers across the city, applicants with Caucasian names like Greg Brown were a staggering 47% more likely to get a call back from an employer than someone with a Greek, Chinese or Indian-sounding name, even when equal Canadian education and proficiency in English and French were declared.
Employment and career development is a burgeoning field of Onomastics. A study carried out by a university in South Caroline discovered that female lawyers in the US are considerably more likely to become a judge if they have a masculine-sounding name. The study found that Cameron is three times as likely as Sue to become a judge, while a female Bruce (of which there surely cannot be many) is around five times more likely. Lead researcher Bentley Coffey explained that, “in the context of the ‘good old boy network’, which is alive and well in the legal profession, a woman with a male moniker might just look and feel more like one of the boys.”
Amazingly, a name can also help to dictate which career path a person will choose. Someone with a name beginning with “den”, such as Dennis or Denise, is more likely to become a dentist. Georges and Georginas are more likely to become geologists.Lawrences and Lauras are 12.5% more likely to become lawyers. A child with a name beginning “doc,” “dok” or “med” are a huge 14.5% more likely to become a doctor.
GETTING AN ‘A’ – EASY AS ABC…
And it gets weirder. In baseball, the letter “K” indicates a strikeout, and professional players with this initial record more strikeouts than their team mates. American post-graduate students with a name beginning with “C” or “D” are more likely to receive those grades than their classmates. We even, according to the research, find ourselves drawn to brand names which closely resemble our own – Nicks record better responses to Nike than anyone else. In a real believe-it-or-not discovery, it turns out that a person whose initials spell out “VIP” are more likely to lead a long and prosperous life and those whose initials spell “PIG”.
The incredible phenomenon, the researchers explain, is actually very straightforward. “Implicit egotism makes every human being in any time period, in either gender, regard themselves as smarter and having better capabilities or talents than other people. People rate their own names and the first letter of their name more than any other.”
In fact, the way we feel about our name is so deeply ingrained in our psychology that, even in a persistent vegetative state, we record a higher level of brain activity when we hear our own name.
So, what’s in a name? Juliet asked. The answer, it would seem, is everything.