Within the first 10 minutes of This Means War my head was already in my hands. Several ‘baddy’ Europeans had died, the two action-man leads (Chris Pine and Tom Hardy) had swapped shameless innuendos and I had settled down to suffer through what was undoubtedly going to be a car crash of a movie. However, 80 minutes later, I found myself pleasantly surprised.
Whilst This Means War will never be making any ‘Best of 2012’ lists, it was by no means a total trial, and was actually a bit of a laugh. Tuck and FDR (yes, that is what he is actually called) are two CIA agents cum-best-buds who both fall for the same woman, Lauren Scott (Reese Witherspoon). They then each proceed to spend a large chunk of CIA time and resources in stalking the unsuspecting Lauren, reading her official files, eavesdropping on her private conversations, and at one point even invading her home in order to aid them in their attempts to date her.
This is where most of the comedy is meant to derive from, and it is amusing – if you can forget that what you’re watching is quintessentially a gross invasion of privacy. Lauren’s married best friend Trish (Chelsea Handler) is behind most of the decisions Lauren makes about how to handle her two dates, persuading her in some faux-feministic way that she’s creating a victory for women by dating both. The vast majority of Handler’s lines were overly vulgar and out of place in a film that had generally kept a family friendly tone (except for, y’know, the whole stalking thing). Most of the action scenes are provided by the subplot of the Russian terrorist, Heinrich, who FDR and Tuck are meant to be investigating and capturing.
Although most of the budget and man-time for this mission is devoted to planting microphones in Lauren’s light fixings and potpourri baskets, the hunt for the fugitive does give a good excuse for the heroes to engage in some random, slow-motion gunfights just in case the audience had forgotten that they were meant to be watching something with action. When I first saw the billing for This Means War I immediately had high hopes. There was nothing new about Witherspoon’s performance however; she obviously wasn’t being stretched, and was (dare I say it) just going through the motions. Hardy and Pine had great chemistry as Tuck and FDR, at times better chemistry than with Lauren, and the funniest parts of the films undoubtedly came from their interaction. But after Hardy’s inimitable performance as Eames in Inception and Pine’s stellar success as Cap. Kirk, I think both actors were taking quite a step back with this movie. It was entertainment, I’ll give them that, but it isn’t something I’m going to rush and buy when the DVD comes out (which I predict might be sooner rather than than later).