As another set of summer holidays dawn upon us, something has been lingering in my mind. It seems that though exams may come and go, the problems of life pertain. Deadlines have passed but such is life that happiness is none the closer.
Finishing exams has not magically made money appear in my wallet, nor has it written this column for me. All I want to do is to do nothing, but life says I cannot.
That said, whilst it is clear that life is never easy, I have took it upon myself to remind us that, despite whatever bad is happening in these meaningless lives we lead, things could always be worse. Rather, in the words of Ian Dury, there are in fact many “reasons to be cheerful.”
Be cheerful, for example, that you do not find yourself in Essex. The University of Essex has now gained the undesirable nickname of “The University of No-sex” after finishing bottom of the University Sex League. According to the table, the average student at Essex has a measly 1.15 sex partners in a year. Pathetic. As reported last edition in Vision, us at York get a whopping 4.08 sexual partners a year. Play on players.
Meanwhile, matters are even more serious at the University of Hull. This is not simply because the students find themselves in Hull, but apparently the recession has hit some students so badly that hard-up students have been given food parcels by the University to help stop them racking up debt. Over 70 parcels have been handed out so far. They are said to be worth just under £5, containing emergency rations of budget supermarket staples. Expect several litres of white cider and lots of cereal then.
However, even Hull students should be happy in the knowledge that, suffering as they may be, at least, despite everything, they retain their freedom. In other words, at least they’re not in jail.
Laura Johnson is not so lucky. The (ex?) Exeter student, who studied English and Italian, has recently been sentenced to two years in prison for her role during last summer’s London Riots when she acted as the driver for her thieving boyfriend. This is particularly surprising given that, as the media have taken much pleasure in pointing out, not only is she the daughter of a millionaire, but she also gained four A*s in her A-level.
So let this be a warning, you never know what lies around the corner. No one is safe.