This week saw the release of the new, much-anticipated, Guardian university league table. Though York certainly didn’t do badly, coming in at a respectable 17th, Cambridge dominated by far for a second year running.
Not happy however, with merely proving their academic prowess in all areas, the university’s independent tabloid, the Tab, sought this week to flaunt the fine ‘rears’ the university also has to offer in a self-declared “Rear of the Year” competition.
To quell all the cries of “SEXISM!”, there were actually two “rear of the year” awards: one for the boys and one for the girls.
The Daily Mail was outraged, as they are with most things in society these days, accusing the Cambridge Tab of sexism and exclusively focusing on the female part of the competition.
The “risqué” photos have been causing quite a stir across the interweb – so much so that, to the disappointment of thousands of lads round the country, the paper was forced to delete the women’s competition and all the photos along with it.
The lads were out in force in Oxford, in an angry mood I’m sure, after being beaten by Cambridge yet again. A six-foot statue of Venus Di Milo, the goddess of love and beauty, was the victim of their revenge in a case of what one might term ‘cultured vandalism’.
Having been stolen from the Oxford St Hughes’ Odyssey Ball, the statue was then found in a student room dressed in a gown, mortarboard and sunglasses, with a Carlsberg in hand.
The JCR President was just happy, however, that the statue was ok, comforted in the knowledge that “she got plenty of sleep and was fed regularly”.
Meanwhile in Leeds, the lad of all lads, the poster boy for binge drinking and the YouTube sensation behind ‘Man vs. Booze’, has officially retired from his role.
The man who, among other achievements, drank his now infamous version of the ‘Jaeger bomb’ – an Ikea bin filled with a litre of Jaeger and 1.5 litres of energy drink – announced his retirement in a letter to Leeds Student newspaper.
He had earlier tried to retire in a more glorified manner, fabricating a story that he had been admitted to hospital, doing what he loves best, one assumes. However, this was quickly revealed as a hoax by the same paper: clearly they don’t sell alcohol that strong.
In the letter, presumably in a moment of enlightenment, he said he “realised that it was sending out the wrong message”. And they say alcohol kills brain cells…