Don’t be misled by the title, this was the wettest mid-season finale in The Vampire Diaries five-season lifespan. That’s not to say it wasn’t still fabulous – this is the best drama the CW makes after all – but it failed to match the previous sparkle and shock of the last four mid-season finales. At no point was my gut-wrenched, heart-shocked or drink splattered in consternation. That said there was still enough action in Mystic Falls to keep things alive and kicking (other than the vampires obviously).
Perpetual doppelganger-in-distress Elena (Nina Dobrev) this week found herself strapped to a stretcher, while the mad-scientist conducted some vile experiment on her. It wasn’t actually clear what he was trying to do other than some vague talk about ‘dialysis’. Then an ominous syringe appears and he says he’s going to turn her into a vampire that feeds on vampires. Cue dramatic piano score and cries of “Help!”.
Luckily, boyfriend Damon (Ian Somerhalder) is already enlisting the aid of brother and former Elena-lover Stefan (Paul Wesley), who has just slept with Elena’s doppelganger Katherine (Nina Dobrev). Awkward. In that classic Vampire Diaries mechanism, Damon decides to kidnap Mad Professor’s relative (I’m not sure what relation they are to one another, it’s too complicated since Damon’s been murdering the entire family since he escaped the clutches of Mad Professor’s predecessor at the lab as revenge).
Of course, the mad professor isn’t just going to hand over Elena. He has a cunning plan since he’s in possession of Damon’s original cell-mate Enzo (Michael Malarkey), who falls into that other classic Vampire Diaries category of non-British actor playing British. The accent is positively heinous. Enzo’s sent out to get revenge but just ends up chatting to Damon, Stefan and their hostage for a bit. Mad Professor makes the idiot move of deciding his relative isn’t worth it and saying they should let him kill him, at which point he coughs up where Elena is.
Elena in the mean time has gleaned that her Dad was Mad Professor’s predecessor…which means he killed vampires. Double awkward. Once Stefan saves her, she finds her Dad’s logbook, which details how he killed vampires in order to save terminally ill people.
Damon deals with Enzo while Stefan’s busy rescuing Elena. He has a revelation about how much of a bastard he’s been for killing generations of Mad Professor’s family. He has a bit of an epiphany there and then. It’s all a bit awkward when Elena’s all cheery that her Dad was killing vampires for a reason and wasn’t a psychopathic medically-inclined Van Helsing. Then Damon dumps her.
The worst fate though is reserved for Katherine. Since she became a human, her 500 years on earth have been catching up with her rapidly and she’s now going grey. She tries and fails to keep fit, and then gives in to her Traveller Daughter and agrees to go and get help. Then promptly has a heart attack and plunges down the stairs, presumably dead or dying.
To be fair, it’s a bit of a shock that death is catching up with Katherine but it’s not as shocking as Tyler’s mum getting drowned in a fountain, which is what happened this time last year. She’s also a bit of a cow and has done so much, it’s coming to her. Also, Damon and Elena breaking up just feels like retreading old ground. The Vampire Diaries is still very enjoyable and entertaining but this was a damp squib of a mid-season finale. It basically closed off this chapter and means they’ll have to develop an entirely new story arc in 2014. The Vampire Diaries tends to split itself into 3, 7 or 8 episode arcs each season, but they tend to be inter-linked and without that continuity, it might show that the CW’s flagship show is finally faltering.
Even For a Vampire, TMI:
Katherine (to Damon): Why? What were you thinking? That our hot, naked bodies collided one unforgettable night of passion?
Proving Even in 2013, Surprise Tests Are Not Fun:
Damon: Pop quiz. So your girlfriend’s taken by a mad scientist. Now do you: “A” get a new girlfriend; “B,” call the police; or “C,” kill someone close to that mad scientist.
Biggest Schadenfreude Moment:
Stefan (to Katherine): Katherine Pierce’s chickens come home to roost in the form of wrinkles. It’s kind of brilliant.