COSTAS MOURSELAS, BARTO JOLY DE LOTBINIERE give their two cents (or four pound entry) on a potential name for the soon to be nightclub on campus.
The Furnace
More than just an allusion to the hot, stuffy environment it is sure to be; what could be a better name for a nightclub that is being built using your tuition fees and will continue to leach from your weekly allowance? Gives a whole new meaning to the words ‘Come on baby light my fire’. -CM
Club Banter
Everyone knows that Derwent is the home of all things lad, am I right? Why not pay homage to the culture that defines the college with a smattering of cheap vodka, dim lights and a throne for the Derwent rugby captain? Stay away on Wednesday night. -CM
Club Derventio
A suggestion from the student body, it’s Mediterranean sounding name conjures up images of a resort club à la Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents. They’ll probably be scantily clad reps bugging you with drink deals on the way from Derwent to Old Langwith. Fake palm trees and sand will be the décor of choice and the music will be either 90s Balearic classics such as “Café del Mar”, “1998” and “El Niño”, or those chart songs that you’ve grown sick off by the first night, depending on your generation. -BJL
Asbestos
Asbestos is the frontrunner in our list of names for many reasons. Firstly, there’s been an ePetition to name the club this circulating around Facebook for a while which Derwent students (ever the great sense of humour) began themselves. It got a fair few signatures. Secondly, it’s Derwent, what more reason do you need? It would open the doors to some great fancy dress themed club nights too. Be it 1960s construction workers who oblivious to the health defects put it in the walls, lawyers who handle the damage cases in the 80s or even members of the cleaning staff who have to sweep up bits of old asbestos infused wall that freshers drunkenly kicked in. The fibreglass insulation based themes are endless! -CS
D Squared
This will be the club for the underground, literally as the squash courts are subterranean, but also in terms of the music where the DJs will specialise in House so deep that you’ll have your ears to the floor trying to listen for the drop. The club’s aesthetic will be industrial decay straight out of Detroit, with brick walls giving off enough dust that you’ll get high off the fumes. Aggressive techno will also be a feature with modulated voices commanding you to dance like the soulless machines that you are. -BJL
The Courting Yard
I wouldn’t know of course, but apparently kids these days use clubs as an excuse to court each other, so why not call the new establishment ‘The Courting Yard’? Definitely not an allusion to an existing reputable establishment nearby on campus. – CM