Over Christmas, Mother, Father and myself took a trip to package holiday heaven, Gran Canaria. Our hotel was, thank-heavens, very plush. The rooms overlooked a ritzy golf course, the lobby was full of swanky oversized sofas and there were no less than six different swimming pools. The only problem was our co-guests – a bunch of overpaid, ill-mannered and culturally vacuous sunseekers.
Playing a round of golf, I got into an argument with one of these delightful characters; a middle aged German who bore a distinct resemblance to Fidel Castro. Our quarrel was over my supposedly inappropriate use of the word “fore.” Fidel was, to say the least, very angry, bellowing in my face that I was an idiot who was “totally out of line.” And it was during this encounter that a sudden realisation came upon me, outside England a lot of people (including the English themselves) seem to have no conception of manners. After all, in my current circumstance, any decent person would have voiced their annoyance and said little more, but Fidel couldn’t help but persist.
Really not in the mood, I finally proclaimed that he should “get some manners” and stop raising his voice at me. It was a cringing but nevertheless successful counter-attack. Fidel was distraught and quickly went silent; someone 30 years his junior had told him something he should have learnt a long time ago – the importance of manners.
Flying back on flight FR8133 (yes, that is the delightful Ryanair), the assault of bad manners reached its climax. Upon entrance one of the lovely (cockney) ladies in blue, possibly mistaking us for a herd of cattle, screeched, “Move dawn the plane, because we won’t be going anywhere if ya’ don’t move faster.” Her rather frank suggestion was followed by the indignant use of the phrase “Please Sir!”, almost as if addressing me in the most formal way possible suddenly made her professional/polite.
Back in England the situation rapidly got a lot better, the use of the words “please” and “thank you” were now being voiced as second nature and without a morsel of resentment. Suddenly an overwhelming feeling came over me; I was being given a bit of respect. Oh what a pleasure it was to be back in the land of manners! However back on campus, I have witnessed a distinct backlash against this great British tradition; and it simply has to stop.
At this point you might want to argue that I’m overstating my case, but I disagree. In fact, what’s striking is that nobody I’ve spoken to seems surprised by my suggestion. One friend even suggested that he actually avoids going to campus because people on campus seem devoid of manners.
Put simply, if we as a community don’t embrace good manners then our University becomes a much less enjoyable place to be. So, if I hold a door open for you, don’t just drift on by like the world owes you a favour, say “THANK YOU.” If someone asks you for directions, don’t just look at them like they’re mad, actually stop, smile, LOOK THEM IN THE EYE and help (remember manners aren’t just about ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, they are ultimately about respect). If we could all go a little bit out of our way to respect one another, it would make this campus a much, much better place to be.
This isn’t just a message for students. Professors; listen up, in fact listen more, because you are the worst offenders. If I go to your office hour – it would be nice to have a few dignitaries…”How are you?”, “How was your weekend?”, “How are you finding your course?” and so on. Some of you can do that. But others, trust me, seem utterly incapable. Cheer up, get your head out of that book, and start embracing society and the individuals that frequent it.
At the end of the day, manners are reciprocal. If someone is well mannered to you, then you feel the need to be well mannered to another. So please, find something within you and embrace this abounding form of common decency. If you could do that I would be forever thankful.
” it would be nice to have a few dignitaries…”How are you?”, “How was your weekend?”, “How are you finding your course?” and so on.”
you would be the first to complain if we had to wait twenty, thirty, forty minutes to see a professor in office hours though, and this is surely what would occur if all lecturers started a chit chat with their students? it’s not being rude it’s just knowing what works, you’ve been at university 3 years; them a considerably longer time. don’t try and tell them how to run their office(s).