Picture the scene: it’s Sunday night and your essay deadline is just 20 hours away. You’ve come downstairs for your standard hourly five minute break and decide to peruse the Freeview channels for that quick fix of someone else’s misery, in some other miserable place. But what if roles were reversed? What if it was you that some poor, slightly cheesy smelling student was watching to escape the dullness that is Sunday minus the SNG? What would happen if we became the characters of the shows that give us 5 minutes of all-consuming joy? Let us see…
The Only Way is York University
Vajazzaling doesn’t seem such a good idea under those thick jeans that have been a firm favourite since 2004. But whatever! Sha-up! Everyone’s just jeal innit?!
The cameras are here to get a first hand look at what it’s like to be a student at York, all the drama, all the scandal, all the glamour. Erm, no.
Hmm, which bag to use today? The Gucci? The Mulberry? No, none of the above. It’s got to be the old faithful, the rucksack that has faced three years of hard labour. And there’s no time for the cameras to follow you to your teeth whitening appointment. No no, you’re off to university to ask the Librarian why you’ve got a fine for a book you were sure you gave back last week. God, she’s just jeal riiiight?? But no biggy, you’ve got a night out to plan. All the beautiful people are heading to the beautiful places. Chinawhite? Nope, it’s Ziggy’s. All that sweat from the wall better not ruin the Prada. And as the Cristal flows (as in, orange K2s) we get a sneak peek at what is on next week’s episode: the whole fine drama is on-going and the cameras follow you on a shopping trip. To Morrisons.
Sun(?) Sex and Suspicious Parents…on Campus
Our parents get to see what we really get up to – nothing. After packing up their little one and settling them into their (awful) new home, the parents are invited to see their child’s life unfold over the first year of University. After the debacle of Freshers’ Week: tutus, drag, traffic cones, bruises, a Willow stamp that just won’t wash off, Efes and a mild case of scurvy, it sets a precedence of how the year will be! But reality is, it ain’t so wild. The parents expect the worst: flaming sambucas on a party boat cruising on the lake or vomiting through the nose after downing a litre of vodka through the eye? Er, no. Their son/daughter is slogging away over a 3,000 word essay which will soon see the onset of a quarter-life crisis. No naked bungee jumping, just exhaustion and the joy of getting the last lemon pepper baguette in Vanbrugh. C.R.A.Z.Y. And as the parents make their big reveal, it’s not anger you feel, just the slow flow of tears as your Mum promises to make you your favourite lasagne.
Grimefighters
Getting down and dirty in a student’s kitchen. Not for the faint hearted.
The Grime-fighting team make their way around the filth-stricken homes of York’s students and what a challenge they have on their hands. One house has decided that it would be fun to keep every pizza box they’ve ever had as an ‘art project’. The Grimefighters aren’t impressed, and neither will their parents be when they come to visit next week. And don’t even start on that hob. Baked-on soup and beans? The Grime-fighters haven’t seen muck like this since that house where the owner threw out NOTHING. But there’s another house in disarray. The students don’t know their recycling day, so the garage is full of cans and paper. What a travesty. This is grime at the highest level.
Come Dine with Me…on a budget
Would it be wrong to spend the budget on a nice treat for yourself? And get every guest a ready meal from Netto? Of course not! Five students from York have been selected to participate in the greatest cookery show this side of the Millennium (nothing will beat Can’t Cook, Won’t Cook – Ainsley FTW). And of course it’s on a budget. Macaroni cheese goes with baked beans right? And a flake yoghurt is quite a posh dessert, actually. An Iceland prawn ring is a starter (just remember to defrost it), special tinned beans and sausages with little bread triangles for mains, and a can of Ambrosia’s finest rice pudding for dessert. Bon appétit! Then on to the Mellow Bird and some old Christmas chocolates to finish.
Lark Rise to Heslington
It’s all kicking off at Natwest, they’ve run out of those precious fivers.
Just one more thing..
Let’s all give a big cheer to the return of Glee! All that high-kicking and high-note reaching really does bring joy to a student’s life. We’ve already seen The Britney Episode (not as good as Madonna’s) and Finn’s had his top off a bit, so it’s off to a good start. There have been so many rumours about which celebs will feature this series, from Gwenyth to Kim Kardashian (?), but whoever appears, no doubt this will be pure viewing gold.
Oh and lastly..
Television joy has come to our doors in the form of Big Fat Gypsy Weddings (C4). So long Salvation, hello Tuesday nights in with a face like a heavily botoxed old lady. This insight into the marital proceedings of travellers is truly compelling viewing, and I will be watching it until the very end.