Interview: Argath the Devourer

Barto and Costas talk to Argath the Devourer, the best candidate for welfare yet. 

What inspired you to run for this position?

I don’t understand the question, I thought we all had to run.

What do you think makes a successful campaign?

I feel that a successful campaign depends mainly on having good policies, being approachable and feats of physical strength. Getting involved in meaningless bureaucracy like application forms just holds you back.

What’s your stance on the student union in its current form?

Poised.

Who’s your political hero?

Having a specific political role model would be favouritism towards someone that isn’t myself. I think everyone should make their own role models, which is what I intend to do. Though I haven’t yet acquired all of the ingredients.

What do you like most about York as a university?

The food, the students, and that there are plenty of secluded areas with poor lighting.

Once you undoubtedly win the position of welfare officer, what’s next?

I will campaign for emergency powers to be given to the Welfare and Community Officer, I promise to reduce the number of devourings on campus. I will introduce mandatory informal Fridays.

I will remove the toilet eels. I will go nuclear in the war on drugs. I will introduce witch trials for suspiciously clever students

I promise that if given power, I will drastically change things.

Is there anything else that you’d like to tell the students of York?

Vote Argath the Devourer for Welfare and Community Officer. I would like to point out that I am the only candidate to have officially been declared innocent of war crimes.

A good Welfare and Community Officer knows about problems and suffering, I understand what causes suffering very well.

Vote for Argath the Devourer; surrender to a candidate who cares.