Granny’s guide to York

I’m sure many of you will have an idea of how freshers’ week is going to go. Mostly very quickly and in a blur of alcohol-fuelled amnesia. Once you’ve washed off the sweat of freshers’ week, eventually some of you will wish to enjoy the finer sides of York; the tea rooms, the long walks and the northern accents. Welcome to the Granny Guide to York, the perfect way to entertain any elderly relative (or just spend a lazy Sunday.) As you are now a uni student, your mornings will start around 3pm, so I’m starting my guide at lunchtime…

Lunchtime…

There are a number of lunch options in York. You could do the usual and take your grandparents to Pizza Express or Café Rouge. However, I have a nice collection of alternatives if your granny is unlikely to be impressed with the chain normalities. Depending on the retirement package of your elderly relative, you could take him/her to the The Blue Bicycle on Fossgate. It’s a visiting parent favourite (and is listed in the Michelin guide); however, I wouldn’t recommend going without someone else’s income. You may need another student loan if you do.  (The Blue Bicycle Restaurant, 34 Fossgate York, YO1 9TA, Tel: 01904 673990).

Alternatively, just a little further along the same street as you head into town is another Michelin-listed restaurant called J Baker’s. This restaurant is really exciting but is for the more eccentric members of your family. They do something called ‘grazing’ (which goes some way to explaining the cow-themed interior) where rather than two or three courses, you get a selection of lots of different tiny meals. My favourite was the teeny-tiny fish and chips course. You have to hunt for the chips though, which come in a rather confusing tiny metal bucket in the middle of the table. I recommend going if you’re the sort of person that always gets bored of your food and eats your neighbour’s plates instead. (J Baker’s, 7 Fossgate, York, YO1 9TA, Tel: 01904 622688).

If your granny is quite adventurous but probably not up to innumerate miniature dishes, The House of Trembling Madness in the middle of York city centre is the perfect wacky little place. It’s in the middle of one of the ‘major’ (and more beautiful) shopping streets. It’s above an off-licence (which appears to be an alcohol museum) called The Bottle. There is a room of beer, and downstairs, you can buy vodka with pickled scorpions in it. (Yummy!) The restaurant above it is nothing like this though, old bids, rest safe. The House of Trembling Madness has the feel of an old dirty pub, the cute crumbling room with dark beams supporting a sagging ceiling. It also has quite an extensive collection of game, with skins and heads dotted over the walls. Enjoy their berry-flavoured beers (strawberry being my personal favourite) and their truly delicious and very ‘Yorkshire’ food. Platters of pies, cheese and bangers and mash with a twist is what they do. I took my friend’s grandmother here and she’s still talking about how exciting it was. Bless her. (The House of Trembling Madness, 48 Stonegate, York, YO1 8AS, Tel: 029 2039 1910).

Another curious place (which is perhaps better for visiting friends) is a very Italian, Italian restaurant called Il Paradiso on Walmgate. I absolutely adore this place! The first time I went there wasn’t a British person to be seen, in or out of the kitchen. The food is delicious and well-catered to a student budget. I particularly recommend their spinach gnocchi and blue cheese. I occasionally dream about it. However, this place does come with a bit of a health warning.. I once came here with a friend, and after the meal the cook came out of the kitchen holding my friend’s barely-eaten pizza, and in front of the whole restaurant announced that this was ‘an insult.’ The waiters will also hit on your grandmother. I think this is all part of the Italian charm, but a lot of people are scared.  (Il Paradiso, 40 Walmgate, York, YO10 9TJ, Tel: 07733 298083).

If (unlike me) you’d rather have an easy lunch rather than worry if the waiter is trying to feel up your grandmother from behind a large pizza, York has a number of very normal and nice lunching experiences. Along the same road and just opposite The Blue Bicycle is Loch Fyne fish restaurant (Tel: 01904 650 910), two Pizza Expresses (already mentioned) and furthermore, for a student experience, Lendal Cellars does a very nice burger and chips, and you can sit in a long cellar and pretend to be German. (The beer-drinking sort, not the Fritzel). It’s in the centre of York. (Tel: 01904 623121).

After Lunchtime…

After you’ve eaten lunch, wander around York and get lost. You won’t find this too difficult. I recommend doing this for the first few months, as (a lot like Venice without the fit gondoliers) York is full of beautiful old streets which are worth ambling along.

When you feel like relocating yourself, follow the towering spire and steer towards York Minster. Obviously, it’s THE place to take your grandmother, and as a student you get in for free (even though your grandmother might not). It’s a totally stunning medieval minster, so have a proper look around and enjoy everything from the windows (which are currently under repair so you can see the medieval restoration techniques up close), to the little vestry room adjoining. If you stand in the middle and whistle to the ceiling, the room vibrates with the sounds – a favourite activity of mine.

Just outside the minster, there is a fabulous old dusty book shop which is crushed into a tall building, full of amazing, well-priced, mostly second-hand books. Here, WHSmith meets crusty old school teacher. It’s called The Minster Gate Book Shop, is just in front of the Minster, and if the Italian men from Il Pardiso could run up the five floors of books and feed me on gnocchi, I’d never move, and live here.

If medieval buildings (like the minster) really do it for you (and if they don’t then you’re way too cool and we’ll never be friends) go to The Shambles. It’s a little medieval street packed with chocolate shops, and it’s where they filmed Diagon Alley for the Harry Potter films.

Once you’ve done this and you feel in need of a proper cup of tea and hot, freshly-made scone, the whole of York is for the taking. There are plenty of tea rooms, but Betty’s, in the centre of York, is the place. There is another (better) tea room behind the back of the minster, however freshers have to earn the privilege of this knowledge as it’s the best tea room around and much, much better for not being overrun with students.

Just as you enter the city of York on your way from the University, you pass under a ‘gate’ where another tea room is located in the wall. It’s terribly sweet and from here you can pass some time wandering around the old Roman walls. This is really worth doing, and you pass into the Museum Gardens with the famous (slightly over-generous use of the word famous) ‘multi-angular roman tower’ which some people get very excited about. This is also a nice picnic spot.

On Sunday at 4pm, ‘evensong’ is held in the York Minster. Even for completely unreligious people, this is a terribly sweet and granny-friendly event when choristers sing hymns while you sit in one of the most beautiful parts of the minster. The Vanbrugh College provost often gives the sermon.

There are also a number of insane things to do in York, ghost walks and Viking museums included. The man on stilts by the minster has always scared me away from ghost walks, but I can safely inform you that the Viking Museum (or Jorvik) is an odd place, and much better if done drunk. (01904 543400) Don’t take your grandmother. Unless she particularly likes badly dressed, overweight men, with dubious amounts of facial hair. And if she does, perhaps you should take her to Il Paradiso after all…