As always at Hallowe’en the question arises as to what actually is an appropriate Hallowe’en costume? The tradition dates back to around 1895 and the Scottish tradition of ‘guising’ where villagers in disguise carried turnip lanterns to neighbours’ homes where they were rewarded with treats and goodies. Although the essence of this tradition still remains, the masquerades people adopt on this holiday have completely altered. Hallowe’en, according to Mean Girls is “the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Hallowe’en seems to have become a secondary festival of steaminess. Don’t worry, Vision are here to help you navigate through the difficulties of balancing sex appeal, the scare factor and your budget just in time for tomorrow night.
On Halloween the options for men are, for once, incredibly varied. Unused to such freedom, you are probably out of practice and standing agape outside the joke shop, afraid to enter the world of deviant possibilities. Poor, untutored fool that you are, you’ll end up begging a female friend to take pity on you and make up your face. ‘I’m a scary clown,’ you’ll murmur lamely, standing in the queue for Willow in a Comic Relief nose… Well, my useless friend, we’re here to help.
Here at Vision we have finally found the answer to the perpetual Halloween scary vs. sexy debate. It hasn’t been an easy task. For years we’ve been turning up in bunny costumes and insisting that we’re a special eastern European breed of Easter Bunny that kills small children in their sleep.
FOR HER:
This year, however, dressed from head to toe in Topshop’s finest and with the help of a generous housemate to do your make up, you can go as the Black Swan, which is all elegant, sexy, insane and murderous. Excellent. Your other options include slutty jilted bride, (quick warning: it’s quite hard to pull dressed in a bloody white dress), or Margaret Thatcher in fishnets. Terrifying. Anything else is a useless cop out. Wearing a short dress and painting pumpkins on your face is a total fail. This Halloween ladies, try to embrace the scary theme and really go for it. If you insist on having some sex appeal, then, really, the Black Swan is the only option for you. Buy lots of black and silver eye shadow, the makeup usually takes more than one attempt to get right, and you might want some hair grease to perfect that shiny, murderous scalp look.
FOR HIM:
When looking for the perfect Halloween costume, play to your weaknesses. Bring forth all that is dark and hateful about yourself. The hirsute gentleman can finally make use of that hairy back (assuming there’s a full moon), the emaciated can take advantage of that visible rib cage. Fat boys, you owe it to yourselves to go as an ogre and put the morbid in morbidly obese. More importantly, be original. In its most obvious sense, try to eschew ghoulishness this Halloween and instead embody something topical (see right for the guy from LMFAO). Some costumes can be both new and scary at once, of course, but while Zombie Romney may be hilarious if all your friends are Time subscribers, it’s way too soon for Savile. But in a broader sense, embrace the spirit of Halloween – NO shop costumes, NO morph suits, NO ironic ‘Too Cool for a Costume’ T-Shirts, (bottom right just you and that long-hidden GCSE in textiles.
ON THE CHEAP:
In the future, someone writing a social history of today will describe our lives the constant fight to avoid looking, smelling or being revolting. Because of the fear of repulsing, we students must spend our borrowed money on clothes and toothpaste. But, all is not lost. God in his kindness has bestowed upon us one day of rest. We call this day Halloween. Many people, not recognising this day off, bury their money into Topshop. I am here to remind you to save your money for the important things. Like tea.
Now I am aware of the problem the digital camera has caused for anyone hell bent ignoring the rules of decency. Although it might seem fun on the night to strip across Vanbrugh: the photographs of your white, droopy behind ratting in between the vending machines will appal everyone the next morning when the rules have re-established themselves. So a happy medium must be found. This Halloween I will be dressing as Mona the Vampire. A red cardigan from a charity shop (£3), a black skirt from a charity shop (£3), a cape made from a bin-liner (pence) a bow tie (£2.50 from Festival of Fun on Goodramgate) and knee high socks, some purple eyeliner and the odd straw to stick in your hair and low and behold! You have a cheep, theme appropriate costume for in which you look utterly bizarre, but not actually mentally ill.