Dealing with Depression

“THIS ESSAY is making me want to kill myself” – the sort of cast-off phrase you tend to hear around the library at this time of the academic year. But student suicide is a very serious issue. Fortunately, the University of York saw its last student suicide back in 2010, but it remains a serious problem at the forefront of many student’s minds.

Earlier this month the National Union of Students (NUS) published the findings of a survey that showed one in ten students at UK universities has considered taking their own life while at a Higher Education institution. It represents the first survey of its kind – and is a problem that a number of students at York face up to every day: considering the ultimate sacrifice of one’s own life.

It might seem like something not at the forefront on student’s considerations, but with the variety of stresses associated with university, it is a more common problem than many would expect.

Joe is one such student at the University, and suicidal thoughts plagued him throughout his first year at York as a mature student: “Coming to university was a big change for me, being so much older and everything kind of got on top of me, but I always had depression.”

“I found the adjustment difficult in some respects, suffering from manic depression. Personally I felt like I shouldn’t be at university, I didn’t feel like I fitted in with anyone really”

Homesickness, and feeling alone and left out are familiar sensations for a lot of students when they first move to university. In fact, the NUS survey cited a huge number of cases of homesickness and suffering at the hands of the actions of other students. It’s a problem that colleges and the Students’ Union at York frequently try to address during Freshers’ Week each year, but ultimately it can be a fruitless task undertaken by volunteers not fully trained to deal with these kind of situations.

The absence of feeling ‘at home’ is far from the only cause of students problems when moving to university though, as Meenah’s case shows from when she first moved to York:
“University was meant to be a fresh start, I had a good group of friends and I was enjoying my course. However, I have a history of depression and it comes at intervals – the smallest thing could trigger it.”

“I find it difficult to remember what precise instant caused it; it was probably something insignificant like struggling with what seemed like an insurmountable amount of work to do. It flicks like a switch, and you’re paralysed by the pressure you place on yourself, by how easily everyone else seems to be coping, by how few people seem to be able to relate with the depth of what you’re feeling.”

“You feel completely and utterly alone, and when you stop being able to see a time past how you’re feeling right now, that’s when suicide becomes an option.”

That sense of being alone may be alien to many – being based in university accommodation with dozens of other like-minded first year students, but for Joe: “It wasn’t what I expected or hoped for. I felt very alone, and out of place – it upset me, and then all just came down on me. I was drinking lots as it was early on in first year and I just slipped into a downward spiral. I overdosed in week 2 I think or early week 3 and was found and taken to hospital, and then I tried another attempt later on that term by attempting to hang myself.”

Similarly, Meenah also came close to taking the most drastic step an individual can to end their own suffering: “A couple of times I’ve written several notes to my friends and family and went to York train station, with the intention of jumping in front of a train that was going past. I stayed there for hours, until one of the staff at the station asked me if I was ok. I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”

The consideration for self-harm is even more widely prevalent amongst students than suicidal considerations. Frequently categorised by the wider media as being a teenage problem and derided for its frequent lack of thought or severity – it may be surprising to some to hear that 14% of students have considered or undertaken self-harm.

Meenah is one of those: “I self-harmed at the depth of my feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. It was something I hadn’t done since my early teenage years, its something that people direct a lot of condescension towards, but it’s just an expression of a very real and seemingly inescapable pain. It takes a lot to want to cut into your own flesh, and there’s a lot of reasons to do it. Some people want to act out their self-hatred, some people just want to feel again.”

“It’s so easy to mock that as a part of emo culture, or whatever, but this numb constant ache that depression is, that roots you to the ground has a stultifying and cloying effect on how well you can function. Sometimes, adrenaline from cutting is all you can look forward to feeling.”

Over a quarter of those interviewed by the NUS admitted that they had not spoken to anyone about their problems. Despite the social stigma that some feel is still attached to suicide – students are fortunate that at York, there are a wealth of options open to those struggling – even for those that feel uneasy talking about the problems they face with friends. The Open Door team at the University have come under criticism in the past, and funding issues for the department are frequently publicised, but the service they offer can still be invaluable. One meeting may be all a sufferer needs to find the best path towards help and support. Both Meenah and Joe benefitted from the department’s advice.

Meenah was initially reluctant to come forward about her problems: “I was pushed into seeking help from my boyfriend at the time, he guided me towards Open Door and then from there I was referred to an NHS psychotherapist.”

“I didn’t speak to my friends or family about the problems I’d been having until a triggering event threw me into the lowest I’ve ever been at university. They had always been concerned but had never felt comfortable with bringing it up with me. Being able to speak to them about how I was feeling made a huge difference in my path to recovery. I found Open Door to be useful and my therapist was excellent.”

Therapy does not always provide the best path for students though – and Open Door offers a range of help including Guided Self Help, Counselling, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Problem Solving or Case Management. Help is available over the phone, by email or in person.

Joe took a slightly different route to coping with his issues: “The Derwent College welfare team were very good. Adam Formby and the Provost were very helpful in offering support and help. Open Door? Less so, for me anyway. It was good to have someone to speak to. I don’t go to Open Door anymore – although I probably should but it’s just a choice that I made.”

“When I missed my meetings they would email to follow up which is good and always very welcoming. Overall I think the Uni has a good set up, but with mental illness there is still stigma with it, which is the reason people don’t always use the services on offer until someone makes them or something drastic happens.”

That particular notion of issues with coming forward about personal problems is echoed by Meenah: “I think what people need to realise about mental health – depression in particular – is that people want to help you. They just might be unsure or nervous of how to approach it. Since beginning recovery I have spoken to other people about my experiences and the number of people that empathised was unbelievable.”

“A lot of people out there are struggling and thinking that they’re alone, because everyone is projecting this stable image that they want people to believe. So few people are as happy as they pretend to be, and even if they are, it doesn’t mean that they won’t understand your unhappiness. People who are depressed or suicidal, or even just sad, think of themselves as a burden that others don’t want to help. It’s a lie. People should ask themselves if they would want to know if their friends were feeling like they are – and they would.”

Paul Farmer, head of mental health charity Mind, called for a “culture of openness” in providing support following the release of the NUS Survey, it’s a sentiment that’s echoed both by those who have experienced suicidal thoughts and departments at York.

There are a number of routes available at York, and a number of ways that you can get in contact – depending on what makes you feel most comfortable.

Help is available 24 hours a day from the likes of Samaritans, College Welfare teams, YUSU’s Welfare team, Nightline, or the Open Door team.

All names have been changed to ensure interviewees confidentiality.

WHAT OPTIONS ARE OPEN TO YOU IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM FEELINGS OF DEPRESSION?
• CONTACT THE OPEN DOOR TEAM
– Email [email protected]
– Call 01904 322 140
– Visit block B, Sally Baldwin buildings

• NIGHTLINE
– Email [email protected]
– Call 01904 323 735
– Visit block E, Wentworth college

• SAMARITANS
– Email [email protected]
– Call 08457 90 90 90
– Visit 89 Nunnery Lane, York

• COLLEGE WELFARE
– Search ‘York college welfare team’ for advice on how to get in touch with the welfare team from your college.