Vision’s resident Agony Aunt and Uncle deliver some questionable advice.
Q: All My Boyfriend Ever Wants To Do Is Snuggle. What should I do?
Megan
First, you should know that there’s no shame in having found yourself a man who wants to snuggle. They’re difficult to come by nowadays, and always very useful in a crisis. But if you want to change things then you need to stop pressuring him and try actually having a conversation. There could be underlying issues here, and if you keep trying to pounce on him without sorting them out then you’ll only make things worse.
There can be a very fine line between romance and sexual assault, make sure you stay on the right side.
Jack
How twee. However, I assume from the desperate tone of your question you might not be entirely happy with this pattern. I cannot stress one emotion enough – jealousy. Flirt with every college sports captain in Willow on a wednesday night, spend far too long pining over the Cosmo centrefold, leave sex toys around your room whenever he’s coming over, the larger the better. Obviously, you could actually have a chat with him about this and approach the problem like an adult. But that wouldn’t be as fun.
Q: How Do I Make Girls Like Me?
Megan
– If you’re on track for a first, but your social life is emphatically last, it might be time to get out of the library, even if just for a long lunch in V Bar. The issue here isn’t that girls don’t like you, but that the ones you want to like you just don’t know you. Very few people are actually, genuinely, unlikeable, and even they can depend on that one girl who just can’t resist a dysfunctional wanker. If you can avoid leering, excessive and inappropriate touching and any conversation involving your playstation you’ll probably be ok. And if that doesn’t work, just study really hard, get a good job and earn loads of money. Everyone will like you then.
Jack
– Well, how about not making yourself sound pathetically desperate by writing into a student Agony Aunt and Uncle column? Girls don’t like needy. But for a more long-term battle plan how about telling girls you are bi? It may sound mad, but girls love bisexual guys. I myself am a macho red-blooded heterosexual, but I learnt long ago that pretending you are also interested in men just has an odd flirtatious effect upon women. Maybe it has something to do with appearing like a Renaissance man. Could be linked to creating a bit more competition. Might it be that it makes a sexual partner more interesting? Who knows! Girls just seem to like guys who have hanky panky with a hunk.
Q: A Guy I Went Home With Last Week Just Tried To Add Me On Facebook. Advice please!
Megan
– This one’s really your call. If you suspect he might be The One you’ve been waiting for your entire life (or you had fun and he was quite nice, whichever), then by all means accept, he’s hardly asking for your hand in marriage. If it wasn’t such a fun night (you think you nodded off half way through, and you know you vomited on his doorstep the next morning) then just ignore it. You can rest easy knowing that if you ever bump into him on campus, your rejection of his Facebook friendship will be the least awkward thing he can ask you about.
Jack
– I am guessing from your correspondence laced with negativity that you don’t really want to see this guy again. You could always just reject the friend request. But we all know from the insular incestuous nature of this university that within a week you will have ended up sitting next to him in a lecture, bumped into him outside Derwent and run away from him in Revs. Therefore, the only way to ensure that he steers clear of you is to appear far too keen. Accept him on Facebook, but then “like” all of his photos, comment on every one of his statuses and poke him incessantly. You may have to sacrifice some of your social standing, but you will have avoided a lot of awkwardness.