Apocalypse Soon

Five weeks ago preacher Harold Camping was waiting patiently in his California home for the Rapture, during which he confidently expected to be whisked up to heaven along with around two per cent of the rest of us. Having studied the Bible for seventy years, Camping believed he’d found a fool-proof system for predicting the date of the Rapture, based on some complex mathematical calculations. There are, Camping believes, three holy numbers; five, ten and seventeen. If you multiply each of these numbers together (twice, of course) you get 722,500. Now, count forward by this special figure from the date Camping believes the crucifixion took place, 1st April AD33, and you’ll come to rest on 21st May 2011. “When I found this out, I tell you, it blew my mind,” explained Camping. There was no doubt that this would be Judgement Day.

But then the 21st May came and went, passing without even the merest hint of apocalypse. It was discovered that Camping made something of a habit of predicting the end of the world, having made a similar incorrect claim in 1994. So the world had a good laugh at Camping, and almost overnight he became an international figure of fun. American news broadcaster CNN tracked down Adam Larsen, one of Camping’s full-time devotees, who told reporters: “My favourite past-time is raccoon hunting. I’ve had to give that up, but this task is far more important.” And with that, the whole incident was relegated to obscurity, and those of us who felt a twinge of relief as we woke up on the morning of the 22nd felt suitably foolish. But while Camping is rechecking his calculations, similarly far-fetched sounding apocalyptic theories are springing up all over the world, at home and away. Not concerned? I don’t blame you. Until you learn that each theory, spanning continents and millenia, has independently pinpointed the same time, within a few weeks, for our certain demise.

So ubiquitous is the figure of the city centre religious zealot with a placard proclaiming the coming of the end that he risks fading almost completely into the scenery. Chris Barrow is one such individual who, every week, takes up his spot in the middle of York’s bustling Parliament Street to spread his message.
Chris lays his argument out in ten steps. He claims it is written in the Bible that God gave the world 6,000 years for evil to “run its course in the world, whilst the people choose whether or not to follow Jesus.” He believes that if you counted out six millenia from the very first events described in the Bible, you would arrive at a point in the next year or so.

In perhaps his most controversial move, Chris proclaims boldly: “The Pope is the most evil and the most powerful man in the world today.” Indeed, he says the next Pope will be Satan himself in disguise, as the Roman Catholic Church is “the biblical Antichrist…the opposite of true Christianity in many ways.”
He goes on to explain that the world’s leaders are in the know about the impending apocalypse, and are choosing to withhold the information from the wider public. Global afflictions such as terrorism, climate change, disease and financial collapse have in fact been orchestrated by world leaders “using the same strategy that the bad guys have used throughout history. It’s called ‘create the problem, so that they can introduce their so-called solution’.” As an agnostic, I was determined to approach Chris’ religious theory with an open mind, but as his argument strays into conspiracy-theory territory, he starts to lose me.

These “bad guys” have a “major event planned for 2012,” Chris explains, at which point the world’s population will divide between followers of Satan, and followers of God. And for those who choose the former? “They’ll be destroyed.”

For those who aren’t sure they’ll make the cut in the Rapture, Chris offers some advice: “[you] should be preparing for God’s judgement day NOW,” he suggests. But conventional worship won’t work: “Don’t go to any of today’s churches. Just about all of the churches in the UK are controlled by Satan, and were put here to deceive you.” They pedal a “wishy-washy ‘God is love’ version of Christianity”, Chris says. But in preserving the Sunday Sabbath, which is not God’s true seventh day, the modern churches in fact pander to the devil.
Chris isn’t alone in his belief that the world as we know it might be running out of time. The year 2012 is a recurrent apocalyptic theme, cropping up in folklore, ancient mythology, modern science and sub-standard disaster films alike.

The Ancient Mayan calendar uses a complex numbering system called the Long Count, which makes use of five decimal places. So the first day of the Mayan calendar was 0.0.0.0.1, and the last day, ancient writings dictate, will be 12.19.19.17.20. Translated into the Gregorian calendar (the twelve month system used by many modern societies), this date is December 21st 2012; a mere year and a half away. Mayan writings don’t contain explicit predictions for the end of the world, just an abrupt, unexplained ending of days. So that’s alright then.

But if ancient spiritual civilisations don’t convince (or concern) you, then perhaps words from the mouth of a real-life physics boffin might. Gregg Braden, scientist and author of Fractal Time, holds a theory that the planet is approaching the end of its latest super cycle. “Our planet is under the influence of great cycles of time,” Braden explains. “Some cycles we know about, like the 24-hour cycle, or a woman’s monthly cycle. But the great cycles cover such vast periods of time that we don’t remember them from one civilization to the next.”

Our current cycle has lasted over five millennia, having been caused by an obscure astronomical event that occurred in the year 3114 BC. And in a coincidence that would unnerve the greatest sceptic, Braden reckons this cycle is due to wrap up on December 21st 2012.

Ancient spirituality, historical astronomy and contemporary fringe religions have, for the first time, aligned in the prediction that we might not be long for this world.

But if talk of the impending end has left you doubting the importance of modern society’s complexities, think again. There hasn’t been a single seminal moment in the past decade that didn’t unwind in some way over social media, and the apocalypse will be no different.

When the day itself arrives, the Facebook news feed will be lousy with ironic ‘count-down’ status updates and inappropriately emotional farewell messages. Meanwhile, in the Twittersphere, “#endoftheworld” will top the trending lists, though celebrities will continue to exchange elite witticisms with one another.
A search of “zombie apocalypse” returns literally thousands of Facebook events. Though if the theories are correct, and the world as we know it is on its way out, there won’t be a choice in the matter; we’ll all be attending, regardess of whether we clicked the link to RSVP.