At the risk of sounding like one of those annoying friends who brings it up in every conversation you have with them, I have a girlfriend. As an attached man, I have to worry about things I previously didn’t: her emotional B.F.F.s, the ins-and-outs of Gossip Girl, and St. Valentine’s Day.
Recently I had a conversation with my mate about our respective Valentine’s plans. His was to avoid moving forward with the girl he was seeing casually until after the 14th, so that he could avoid the whole thing. He failed, and they are now ‘in a relationship’. He seems to be coping.
It’s not that I am incapable of being romantic. It’s more that I am uncertain of what’s expected of me. Do I act all nonchalant and gripe about the over-commercialised nature of the day, or do I go all flowers-chocolates-cuddly-toys? Or do I just hide, claiming to have no knowledge of this obscure early-Christian martyr?
Though he won’t thank me for mentioning it, another of my friends is going through an increasingly messy break-up at the moment. My small worries seem a tad trivial compared to his situation, though I wonder how he’ll handle Valentine’s this year. Will he mope about because he can’t share the day with anyone, or will he feel released from the control of what my girlfriend has referred to as a ‘materialistic/corporate plot’?
On Monday I intend to ask him about his reaction in order to enable me to see what Valentine’s is really about, and plan ahead for the future. Though that won’t help me get through it this year…
Chris’s column… as reinterprited by ME
lalalalala… oh, hello there, unfortunate readers. so, it turns out i have a girlfriend. maybe that’s why i look so surprised in my picture. she’s great, she knows words and everything. i’ve also got ‘FRIENDS’… they’ve got more interesting lives but i think i’ll just talk about my girlfriend insteed. anyway, i’m a man. i don’t have friends. i have ‘mates’. they see my by choice and not because i can corner them due to our uncanny proximity. did i mention i have a girlfriend? i use her to draw attention to my tiny column. but anyway, back to the real issue. my girlfriend. i just don’t know what to do with her on valentine’s day. hold her hand? lick her face? throw her some sticks in the park? or should i reference my impressive knowledge of ST valentine that i looked up on wikipedia? HE was, LIKE, a MARTYR guys!? maybe i should do what everyone else does, i.e. spit at it if your single, or use it as an excuse to milk your partner for expensive gifts if your not. the end. thank you ladies and gentleman. but please, don’t touch. i have a girlfriend…
I seem to have exhausted all my comment content in my name space. As you were.
@Miranda: Can I hold your hand/ lick your face?
@2: SECONDED.
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