A Crisis of Masculinity

I spent part of last Tuesday evening listening to a panel of representatives from LGBTQ and Women’s Group hysterically condemn 50 Shades of Grey for its crimes against the communities they represent. Apart from being poorly written, the novel apparently glorifies sexual violence and normalises a patently abusive relationship to its oversized readership. I was surprised it annoyed me so much. As a man who self identifies as a feminist, why did I not agree with my enlightened associates?

Naturally, my thoughts wondered back to counting how many attractive women I wasn’t going to speak to that evening, but after reading about Britain’s “crisis of masculinity” the next day, I decided to confront the issue properly.

Labour MP Dianne Abbott claims that British men exist in a culture of “hyper-masculinity” dominated by “pornified ideals” that fuel misogyny and homophobia. She asserts that the father has been sidelined in a society where men are more likely to kill themselves, become homeless and fail educationally than their female counterparts. Abbott stresses that the UK’s “Viagra and Jack Daniels culture” must be tackled.

Dianne Abbot and the speakers at the soul crushing “Sexposé” are both missing something quite simple- an understanding of men and masculinity.

There are many reasons why men do not typically speak about their emotions, some of which are so dark and depressing that they will probably never enter mainstream discourse. Our capacity for horrendous violence, sexual deviance and emotional illiteracy is well documented. So, if we really want to talk about masculinity, we must begin with these topics if a frank conversation is truly desired.

Masculinity is a constant struggle and I am not sure men have any understanding of what motivates the condition. Reconciling a progressive mindset with the urge to punch my housemate in the face when he is chewing too loudly is certainly a challenge. Sometimes, I inexplicably lose the ability to listen to what a pretty girl is actually saying or despite my heterosexuality, I become overwhelmed by the urge to kiss a male stranger. It is a mystery.

For some men it is often easier not to wrestle with the delightful daemon that is masculinity, tell a disgusting joke, watch videos of dead eyed Czech women earning sustenance and interchange the word ‘gay’ with rubbish. Why? It is hard to say but it is definitely not a question to which women know the answer.

While I agree that men must begin to open up and talk about male issues both publicly and privately, the conversation must remain uninfluenced by feminist caricatures of masculinity and take place in a guilt-free arena. The debate will not prove successful if it is started by a middle-aged woman who identifies as “card-carrying feminist.”
Rightly or wrongly, the majority of men are simply not listening, nagging won’t get us anywhere.

Back to Britain’s “Viagra and Jack Daniels culture.” British men are undoubtedly still dominated by the ideal of the omnipotent alpha male but the dark side of masculinity is not going away. However much Labour tries to connect this predicament with the emasculation of unemployment and economic collapse, this is an issue that permeates every class, one only needs to follow the rugby ‘lads’ around Ziggys for fifteen minutes for a posher view of the problem.

The ‘feminist’ cries of Britain’s comfortable middle class women are stopping men from confronting their own issues properly. We know how disgusting we can be, there is a reason why some of the most horrifying parts of Lolita and Clockwork Orange are funny.

Substantive change will only come from men. Ultimately, repeatedly being told how awful our gender can be is not conducive to decent debate, and will only further isolate British men.