1. If you weren’t a comedian, what do you think you’d be doing?
Probably my old day job in marketing where I spent my days sending branded pens to Macedonia whilst dying inside.
2. Do you have any pets?
Not anymore. As a kid we had a succession of cats that all got run over. My parents’ garden is full of miniature burial plots – it’s like a feline house of horrors. I’m surprised the authorities haven’t become suspicious.
3. Let’s speak about York. What did you think of it?
Loved it. My three years up there was one of the happiest times of my life. Thank goodness for those persistent student loan people who prevent my rose tinted glasses from steaming up too much.
4. Were you a Willow regular?
No, but I was involved in a full blown affair with Thomas the Baker.
5. What are your plans for the coming year?
At least one dinner at Pizza Express (with a 2-4-1 voucher, of course).
6. You were a guest on 8 out of 10 Cats. How was working with the likes of Sean Lock and Jimmy Carr?
Great. I find doing things that are daunting an excellent way to learn how to shit oneself discreetly.
7. What made you decide to go into comedy?
Arrogance, neediness and boredom.
8. What have you been up to this Summer?
I spent August at the Edinburgh Fringe gigging in a nightclub at midday every day for a month, and then spent September holidaying in Norfolk with my family where I was made to sleep in the hall due to lack of beds. It’s been an extremely glamorous time in my life.
9. We thought you were great on Snog Marry Avoid. Did you feel the shoes of ‘The Frost’ were big ones to fill?
Stop flirting! (Don’t.) The show’s a different entity now to how it used to be and I feel like I’ve made it my own. I’m looking forward to getting cracking on the next series later in the year.
10. Would you go to POD for fashion advice?
I don’t need advice because I’m a follower of a sartorial dictatorship aka Topshop personal shoppers. It takes out all the hassle of trawling the high street plus they have cupcakes by the tills.
11. Let’s play now. Snog, marry, avoid: Joey Essex, Harry Styles, Daniel Radcliffe?
Snog Harry because he’s filth, avoid Joey because he has better hair than me and marry Radcliffe because the scope for ‘expelliarmus’ jokes would never get old.
12. Tea or coffee?
Tea from anywhere but Starbucks please (God I love saying shit like that).
13. Everyone has a favourite joke. What’s yours?
£9000 a year tuition fees.
14. If you could have a super power, what would it be?
Time travel because I’d enjoy pissing off sci-fi geeks by using my powers for mediocre gain. Like ensuring I don’t buy my Jamie Oliver wok before an unexpected blue cross sale.
15. What’s your most embarrassing moment?
I had a good one at a wedding the other day – a lady I sat next to said she worked for Sainsburys. I wittily replied that ‘every little helps’. She looked at me with hate in her eyes and said “That’s Tesco.”
16. If you could have three famous people to your dinner party as special guests, who would they be?
Stephen Fry, Queen Elizabeth I and Sir Ranulph Fiennes.
17. If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?
That I was less of a wimp. And that I liked olives.
18. Who have been your toughest crowd yet?
I once gigged in front of 300 pissed soldiers on a barracks in Scotland where the stage was surrounded by tanks. I was bricking it but they turned out to be a delight which is always nice.
19. Who was your last text from?
Another comic talking about going to watch another comic.
20. What’s your usual hangover cure?
Carbohydrates, nurofen and self pity.