ALL RIGHT HOMIES, YUSU Insider is BACK.
I’ve been working really hard for you all, getting all of the juiciest and the most utterly riveting gossip. I don’t have much, to be fair – not compared to the last edition.
Anyway, let’s get to work and tease the i’s and muck the t’s, as it were. Not sure if you’ve noticed (of course you haven’t), but there have been a number of motions put forward to referendum two weeks ago.
Whilst hysterically boring (I hear eight people turned up to the debate), there are a few sneaky problems with them. Firstly, colleges are essentially being abolished (well, Derwent is being knocked down – didn’t you hear?). YUSU are replacing JCRCs with things called “Student Associations”.
What this actually means is that everything that a college committee decides on now will be pointless – utterly pointless. Why? Because we’re looking at commandeering and appropriating everything colleges do of course!
Yes, yes I know we’ve let you have a college referendum, but we don’t really care to be honest. Your apathy can easily be remedied by some clever governance trickery, a little bit of duplication and some legal changes…
Okay, so what do I actually mean? Well, I’m talking about events. It’s going to be great for us (YUSU). Haven’t you already noticed what we’re doing? Did you forget that we kept changing pretty much all of your events during Freshers Week to match up with our utterly terrible Live and Loud “gig” this year?
Why? Trust me, I’ve seen the colleges finances. I mean, we need to look after ourselves as well, you know. Have you not wondered why the sponsorship deals have been so interesting this year? Sports Presidents – did you not think about the sponsorship deals you were signing?!
Anyway, on another tangent – the Campaigns Officer has been under a little pressure recently, eh? We’re basically getting rid of him (didn’t you hear he was a terrible LGBT Officer?). He gave us a feeble bark (I heard he was “ill” again), but we’re glad this blight on “democracy” is running off to fulfil his CV elsewhere.
Also, it turns out some college chairs aren’t happy with us either – especially with our own KT, our beloved leader. Not sure if this is because they’re just looking to appear as mavericks ready for their ascension to the throne (YUSU Pres of course), but I’d imagine it’s because we’re taking away power from their colleges and bringing it to YUSU – finally! These people are power crazy anyway.
We’ve also got college events in our sights. If we have our way, Big D will be reduced to a lighthearted picnic with casual street performers and a Welfare approved conga. I can’t wait to see the look on their faces. Ms Dynamite tee hee hee hee!
Okay, I guess I must finish for now but on one last note, taxis! They’ve been a little bit of a nightmare for us recently. I mean, seriously guys? Can’t you all just ring 659659 to make our lives that little bit easier? It’s not as if we have an *exclusive* contract to fulfil or anything! Sort it out York.