Vision has got its hands on an exclusive dossier** that details the terrifying creatures that stalk the campus and invade our homes, classrooms and places of work. Read below to find out more about the dastardly bugs, bunnies and beetles below…
Subject One: Athletic Ants
Location: Sports Centre
Details: Flying Ant ‘infestation’ far left hand corner of Squash Court one.
Notes: Ants do not have membership and can’t play squash – please eradicate.
Subject Two: Bumped off bunny
Location: Sally Baldwin Buildings, Block B
Details: Please come and collect dead rabbit from back reception office.
Notes: Job cancelled. No one came to collect rabbit.
Subject Three: Mysterious Birds
Location: Alcuin College Block B
Details: Small dazed bird found in office – despite door locked and windows closed.
Notes: Bird released. No holes found.
Subject Four: Monarchist Bees
Location: Fairfax House
Details: Swarm of bees around the front door
Notes: They think the queen is inside!
Subject Five: Trapped Squirrels
Location: Genesis 1/2
Details: There seems to be a squirrel living in the ceiling! Request to have the varmint humanely shifted and the building squirrel-proofed?
Notes: Treated on 17th. Return 31st to call out smell in roof. Dead squirrel.
Subject Six: Bye Bye Birdy
Location: Chemistry Block B
Details: Possibly dead pigeon (or live piegon if it survived) in fume hood ductwood B39. Engineer heard it move as he turned the fan on, then observed a noise and some loose feathers in the hood.
Notes: Could be messy!
Subject Seven: Creepy Crawlies
Location: Wentworth B Block
Details: Kitchen reports of a suspicious looking beetle.
Subject Eight: Peculiar Noises
Location: Alcuin Q Block
Details: Buzzing inside walls
Notes: Call out cancelled as informed that this is, in fact,
vibrations from the
toilet.
* Ok so, we thought it would be morbid to do an entire feature on that. Rest assured, it’s mostly just rats!
**Dossier is actually a Freedom of Information Act request, all of the above are genuine incidents reported verbatim.