The beast is no longer simply the childish nightmare of some stranded boys as in the classic novel Lord of the Flies. In the past week, The Beast has been summoned to one of the darkest and most desperate places on earth: the Stoke City dressing room.
The culprit was reportedly Glen Whelan, known previously as merely an average midfield player, but now exposed as the ruler of a savage, otherworldly kingdom which exists somewhere near the M6.
Having not been satisfied with the egging of Michael Owen’s Mercedes, The Beast demanded the sacrifice of Kenwyne Jones’ dignity. “We are going to have fun on this island. Understand?”
Whelan and friends duly delivered. The Trinidad born striker found a bloody, severed pig’s head wrapped in clothing and hidden in his locker. Jones is a Rastafarian and so does not eat pork. He was understandably furious, going on to hit the target for only the sixth time this season with a well-aimed brick through Whelan’s windscreen.
Stoke City FC have launched an investigation into the incident. An official statement read: “The club takes seriously reports of an incident at our training ground this afternoon. A full internal investigation will be carried out and those responsible for any unacceptable behaviour will be dealt with in accordance with the club’s disciplinary procedures.”
One can imagine, however, the reaction of club officials to be similar to that of the naval officer who rescues the dishevelled boys at the end of Lord of the Flies. The officer matter-of-factly assumes the boys are up to, as he puts it, “fun and games”.
He turns his back so that the boys may regain their composure. It is apparent, though, that the issue of respect in modern football must be faced. Just as William Golding’s novel set out to debunk the myths of Robert Louis Stevenson’s Treasure Island, Stoke City FC should lead the way in exposing the unrestrained behaviour that occurs on the treasure island that is the Premier League.
With the world’s most-watched league this year receiving a record £5.5bn windfall in broadcasting income, stars continue to demand more and increasingly find less authority in their way. Players have climbed to the top of the game, and like the boys on the island, can see from the peak no signs of civilization.
West Brom forward, Peter Odemwingie, despite seriously disrespecting his club on transfer deadline day, has kept his career intact. QPR’s Jose Bosingwa refused to take his place on the bench against Fulham, yet remains a first team fixture.
Carlos Tevez returned from a self-imposed exile from Manchester City with his pay cheque largely untouched. Boys will be boys: nasty, brutal and rich.
Stoke City FC will no doubt hand out nominal fines. But The Beast is not something you can fine. Without a radical redistribution of player power, all that fans can do is weep for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart, and the fall a true, wise fan favourite called Kenwyne Jones.