Review: Young Apprentice

The Apprentice: an exasperating and compelling ‘job interview from hell’ series with jaw-dropping viewer statistics and sparkling reviews.

Now in its third series, Young Apprentice sadly just isn’t the same – it fails to reach anywhere near the level of hype, and certainly doesn’t achieve the charming output, that its big brother so masterfully conjures up every year. The candidates – still teething with their little wheelie suitcases hardly big enough for their egos – all seem content with their rather similar narcissistic and arrogant personalities.

Barely old enough to see over the top of the boardroom table, they often bark out similar rubbish to that of the adult candidates, and to emphasise just how wonderful they all are; they use metaphors that are as bad as like, whatever.

Sean, a hopeful in the current series, had his first business when he was nine. Nine?! Seriously, childhood is a truly invaluable period in our lives and we shouldn’t spend it as we plan to spend our forties. When I was nine I was baking cakes and playing in the snow, not directing my own publishing company. There have been numerous calls for a programme to be made in 10 years time: ‘Where Are The Young Apprentices Now?‘ – then we’ll be able to see what damaging effects this exposure to an environment full of contempt and egotism has had on them.

Even Sugar’s insults and analogies are no fun any more. They’re just well-rehearsed lines finally delivered after a grueling hour of thirteen takes. Tiresome.

What hasn’t changed – and what keeps most of us tuning in – is the familiar structure of the show with Sugar setting his potential apprentices a different task each week. The tasks are simple, just like Karren Brady, and have seen the youngsters design cookbooks, source props for operas and brand a new hair gel. Challenging stuff. As usual, the tasks are accompanied by a sob story from Sugar, but it’s really all about what happens in the boardroom. There, they never hold back; really going for each other’s throats and when attacked; leaping up just like maggots being fried in hot grease.

But no matter how hard the editors try and get us laughing along with Sugar and his aides, there are always moments when we wonder whether we actually are on his side. So I’m afraid Lord Sugar, this series of Young Apprentice is a bitter disappointment. Go back to your mansion in miserable Essex (which, funnily enough, has one of the worst reputations for flourishing businesses) and get rehearsing your delivery of yet more cringe-worthy puns and insults. You’re fired.