Universities across the country have apparently become sex-obsessed this summer term.
Following a fully comprehensive sex survey of 61 universities across the country by studentbeans.co.uk, and having received the damning news that York is ranked just 59th, members of Alcuin college Q Block have spoken out about their sexual exploits, urging us to believe that sexually active members of the University of York do exist.
Allegedly, Swedish superstar Basshunter was disgusted at York’s dismal ranking ahead of his visit to York for his Big D showcase. However, stories of pirate porn and outrageous orgies have left Basshunter raring to go. Someone ought to cage the beast…
Further south, students at the University of Oxford were equally disappointed to be informed that they were “officially average at sex”, ranked just 32nd (‘average’ being a dirty word and all). Even more damaging to their aspirations for superior promiscuity was the fact that students at Worcester College, Oxford have been spanked for spicing up their revision once a week with a “Half-Naked Half-Hour” in the library.
In an email from the librarians, the tradition, established in 2009 by a College society known as the ‘Breakfast Club’, was declared “unacceptable” and “a distraction to other readers” after “a number of complaints” were received.
Oxford students may have been shocked to hear that a library full of half-naked men and women could prove a little distracting, but Chase Thomas, a student of Brigham Young University in the US, claims he nearly lost his place at the university for wearing short shorts on his audition for the US TV show, So You Think You Can Dance.
Mr Thomas was told his skimpy, and no doubt provocative, dance shorts broke the university’s “modesty policy”, despite his assurance that: “In no way was my solo supposed to be sexual or lewd or anything like that.”
Brigham Young spokesperson Carrie Jenkins said Thomas was never asked to leave the university, instead he was simply called in for “counselling”. Counselling? I wonder how many sessions on the therapist’s couch Brigham Young University reckon members of Alcuin Q Block are going to need…