This Film is Udderly Strange: Review of The Old Man Movie: Lactopalypse!

An outrageous road movie about an old man and his grand-kids in a 24 hour race against time to stop a milky madman hellbent on killing his prized cow to save the world. Ayesha Brown reviews this Estonian stop-motion classic… 3 stars.

(Image: 606 Distribution.)

Udderly strange doesn’t seem to cover this farm-frenzied, tractor fuelled tale of good vs evil where neither prevails. There is a hint of some moral to this inappropriate fairy tale but it seems to be covered by….milk. Everywhere. Lactopalyspe follows the journey of three ‘city brat’ children as they grow accustomed to their deranged grandfather and his shit-covered farm. His only responsibility is to provide milk for the villagers, which they wait hungrily for every morning. With trained precision, Grandpa fires milk at them from the elongated udders of his miserable cow. When left untethered by the children, Cow makes her escape, sparking the race to prevent Cowmaggedon. 

The antagonist of this wacky piece is the old milkman; a creepy villain who oozes milk, cream and ice cream after a cow-related incident. Though senile, he ends up with a chainsaw and is actually kind of terrifying. I had more than an intolerance to him by the end of it. 

Though exceedingly strange, this film is ever surprising with its precise camera work and expressive voice acting: none of the character’s mouths ever move, seemingly the opposite to Aardman’s lovable clay models. Nevertheless, the shiny, doughy exteriors of these characters are more than enough to get you invested in the journeys of the characters. They even manage some well timed rib-ticklers which will have you grinning despite yourself. 

If you’re looking for something different (and a bit playful), this Estonian farm flick is out in the UK now!